[Tree Mail]:
If you’re feeling hungry, wasting away,
You need to come to the Yukon Café.
Take all you want, eat all you take,
Immunity is what’s at stake.
[Konga Tribe]
EULABELLE: Oh my! We’s going to have to be eating some nasty vittles, I guess.
MICKEY: We knew this was coming. We knew it.
GLEN: Well, fine with me. I’m so hungry I could eat a herd of buffalo.
MELISSA: … Do you think we’ll have to eat worms?
ROGER: Oh, Ah hope not! Ah don’t think Ah could eat a worm! Cute l’il fellers.
[Sampo Tribe]
GEORGIA: Great. Some sort of nightmare buffet.
LOBO: Lobo like buffet. Lobo thrown out of many buffet.
NEIL: Well, this can’t be that bad. I’ve eaten spoiled K-rations in a foxhole during a firefight in the jungle, with my buddy next to me getting hit by a shell, his face…
WARREN: It would help if we knew what to expect, so we could plan for it. Any vibrations, Carmelita?
CARMELITA: I see… I see… a wheel! Spinning ‘round and ‘round. One space… marked DEATH!
LOBO: Lobo hear dinner bell. Time for go to Immunity Challenge.
JEFF PROBST: Survivors, welcome to the Yukon Café. Now, the Inuit people indigenous to this region have survived for thousands of years on a very simple diet…
RUBY: Where were you, the other day, sweetie? Ruby missed you.
JEFF PROBST: As I said last time, the crew and I went over to Yellowknife.
MR. B NATURAL: Yellowknife is the capital of the Northwest Territories!
JEFF PROBST: Yeah, so?
MR. B NATURAL: Well, we’re in the Yukon!
JEFF PROBST: That’s right. And your point is…?
MR. B NATURAL: I just thought I’d mention that!
JEFF PROBST: … Yeah, well, as I was saying, the Inuit diet consists mainly of various blubber-related foods. What you see in front of you is the Wheel O’ Blubber. [This is a wheel about two feet in diameter, divided into 16 sections, each with a piece of blubber on it, except that two of the sections have a small box, hiding what’s underneath.]
The way this works is, a member of each team comes up to the wheel, I’ll give it a spin, and they have to eat whatever lands in front of them. First person who doesn’t swallow their entire portion loses Immunity for their Tribe.
Now, I’ll run down the selection for you. We have whale blubber, of course, but four different kinds: Blue, Killer, Sperm, and Baleen. Also seal blubber, polar bear blubber and walrus blubber. Each has a unique flavor. And just in case anyone doesn’t like blubber, there’s a chance they’ll get the Chef’s Surprise, hidden under the box.
Now, I want to assure everyone that no animals were harmed in the extraction of this blubber. We flew in a board-certified liposuctionist to collect the blubber, and the animals were released back into the wild.
NEIL: Yeah, that’s a relief.
JEFF PROBST: Survivors, ready? GO!
MELISSA (after a medium pause): … Spin the wheel, dude.
[First up are Warren and Glen. Jeff spins the wheel, and they each eat their blubber selection. They are followed by Carmelita and Eulabelle, then Neil and Mickey. They all eat the blubber successfully. Lobo and Torgo are up next. Lobo caresses his blubber for a moment, then swallows it whole.]
LOBO: Piquant.
[Mr. B Natural and Roger approach the wheel, take their selections, and eat them.]
MR. B NARTURAL: My, that was delicious! What kind of blubber was that, Jeff?
JEFF PROBST: Umm, I think that was the sperm whale blubber.
MR. B. NATURAL: Oh yes, I thought so!
[Melissa and Georgia are up next.]
MELISSA: Guys, how’s that blubber? It doesn’t look that bad.
TORGO: Not… GOOD. Like CHEWING… on a… DOG leash.
MELISSA: …Come on, Chef’s Surprise! [She raises her arm.] I summon you to cause the Chef’s Surprise to fall unto me! [Jeff spins the wheel, and, indeed, Melissa’s wish is granted.]
[Jeff lifts the boxes and reveals the Chef’s Surprise.]
MELISSA: … Well, are you going to tell us what that is?
JEFF PROBST: It’s caribou colon. A prized delicacy among the Inuit people indigenous to this region. Don’t worry, it was road kill.
GEORGIA: Well done, dear. I would have been glad to take my chances with the remaining blubber.
[GEORGIA and MELISSA manage to eat the selection. Vivian, and Kitten do the same, each with some difficulty. Glen volunteers to go for seconds, and is up against Ruby. They each eat the remaining blubber.]
MICJEY: Glen ate two blubbers. Two! I saw it!
MELISSA: …He’s supposed to, Mickey. …Anyone have a mint?
JEFF PROBST: Well, we have a tie. [Pulls off a tablecloth covering a table nearby. On it are two platters, each with about twenty pounds of unidentified blubber]. The tiebreaker is, whoever can eat the most blubber from their plate in thirty seconds wins Immunity for their Tribe. Once again, each team chooses the member of the opposing team that will participate. Konga?
KONGA TRIBE: The weird chick!
JEFF PROBST: Help me out, guys.
KONGA TRIBE: Kitten.
JEFF PROBST: Right. Sampo?
SAMPO TRIBE: Vivian!
[Kitten and Vivian approach the table. Vivian looks at the mound of blubber in front of her, and faints.]
JEFF PROBST: Congratulations, Sampo! You have Immunity. As for Konga, I’ll see you at Tribal Council tonight.
SAMPO TRIBE: SAM-PO! SAM-PO! SAM-PO! …
[Tribal Council]
JEFF PROBST: Well, this is your second Tribal Council, so I don’t need to explain the procedure to you. Before we get started, comments from anyone?
GLEN: Is there any more of that blubber left?
VIVIAN: Well, I really feel like I let the team down. I know that on a good day, I could eat twenty pounds of blubber, no problem.
TORGO: It… COULD… have been… ANY of us.
GLEN: Seriously. Nobody answered my question. Any more blubber left?
JEFF PROBST (looking at watch): It’s time to vote. Let’s go.
[One at a time, the Survivors cast their votes. Dramatic music, etc. etc. Torgo votes last, again. Four-note riff, blah blah blah. He brings the bowl containing the votes to Jeff.]
JEFF PROBST: Thanks, Torgo. Now before I read the votes, I need to remind you that once the votes are tallied, the decision of the Tribe is final. The person voted out must leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I’ll tally the votes.
First vote: Vivian.
Second vote: Vivian.
Third vote: Vivian.
Fourth vote: GM. Glen Manning.
GLEN: OK, Roger, I got it. You forgive but you don’t forget. Drop it, already.
JEFF PROBST: Fifth vote: Glen. Three votes Vivian, two votes Glen. {He reaches into the bowl, and pauses a moment while he assumes an expression of grave significance.]
The second person voted out of the Yukon [He turns the ballot toward the Council]: Vivian. The final vote is irrelevant; I won’t reveal it. Vivian, come up here, and bring your torch. The Tribe has spoken. [Extinguishes Vivian’s torch.]
So ends your second Tribal Council. You can head back to your camp, and I’ll see you, probably in a couple days. Good night.
Day 7-8
Back to Day 4-5
Back to main page